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Coaching questions to help clients uncover and determine their attitude and desired impact.
I used to roll my eyes whenever someone said, 'Attitude is everything,' thinking, 'Yeah, let’s see how positive your attitude would be if you were dealing with my situation. Bet you wouldn’t be so smug!' I’d spiral into my feelings, convinced they didn’t understand me or my struggle. And guess what? My attitude got worse, which only made the problem bigger. Meanwhile, they were just trying to help, but all it did was hurt the situation and, if I'm honest-my feelings.
Attitude is indeed a gateway—or a gatekeeper—to solving challenging situations. It shapes our approach, willingness to engage with the problem, and the energy we’re willing to commit. Our attitude can either open us up to innovative solutions or confine us to conventional methods, limiting both our efforts and outcomes.
Although I acknowledge the importance of attitude's influence, I am against imposing it as the solution to people's problems. This approach tends to provoke strong reactions, not only from me but also from others. When individuals feel stuck, they frequently perceive a lack of autonomy and power. Instructing someone to "manage their attitude" can worsen this sense of helplessness by implying that another person is better at determining their approach to the situation.
For individuals to feel in control of their lives and believe they can influence their outcomes, they need to feel that they have continuous choice and control. This means we shouldn't impose a new attitude on them; instead, we should explore their current one. This allows the client to uncover for themselves the significance their attitude holds, its perceived value, and its influence on them and their situation. Then, they will connect to their own motivation to determine which attitude is worth their attention and for what reasons. (And, who knows, through this deeper exploration with the client, we might realize they had the right attitude all along.)
The following coaching questions can help raise awareness of one’s attitude while preserving their sense of choice and control:
Approach to the Problem:
What do you believe your current attitude toward the problem is?
What attitude would you like to embrace as you tackle the problem? How would this attitude manifest in your thoughts, words, and actions?
Willingness to Engage:
How open are you to trying different approaches to solving this situation?
How willing are you to revisit strategies that have failed before, consider what others have done, or even attempt something completely new?
What are you currently unwilling to try?
Amount of Expendable Energy:
How much energy are you willing to invest in addressing the problem? For how long?
At what point will you decide that enough is enough?
If the questions above are a good start and you are also wanting a coaching tool to further your client's thinking, check out the following resource: Getting Unstuck Coaching Tool.
And, if you are seeking more:
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