Embarrassment vs. Shame (And the Fine Art of Public Humiliation)

By Jennie Antolak

Have you ever stopped to consider the difference between embarrassment and shame?

I have. Repeatedly. Usually after something mortifying happens that forces me to decide whether to laugh… or move to another state.

I’ve had more than my fair share of awkward moments—enough that I’ve had to be really intentional about not letting them sneak into my identity. That’s meant learning to tell the difference between embarrassment and shame: how they feel, how long they linger, and how easily they can slide into the driver's seat of our decisions if we’re not careful.

Here’s what I’ve realized:

Embarrassment is temporary. It usually stems from something silly, awkward, or unexpected—something that happened to me or because of me. It stings, yes, but it doesn’t burrow in.

Shame, though? It tries to move in and redecorate.

It doesn’t just say, “That was embarrassing.”It says, “That was you. And now everyone knows.”

The clearer I get on the difference, the easier it is to know what deserves reflection… and what deserves a swift mental delete.

Like Velcro for Humiliation

Embarrassing moments stick to me like Velcro. My days often feel like they’re covered in those little plastic teeth—just waiting to snag something ridiculous and mat it to my memory.

Exhibit A: The Skateboard Incident

I was walking to my car in a parking ramp when two college-aged guys on skateboards came flying down the lane toward me.

I froze. They didn’t.

We collided like human bowling pins.

The fall? Manageable.

The landing? Complicated.

Let’s just say the impact was enough to trigger a bladder betrayal—courtesy of motherhood and gravity.

While the skateboarders frantically apologized and tried to help me up, I just wanted to disappear. Because nothing says “I’m good, thanks” like a pee stain on your skirt in public.

Eventually, I escaped to my car… only to have the parking attendant lean out of her booth and shout, “I saw the whole thing! You need to call the police!”

And just like that, my private panic had an audience.

Exhibit B: When Your Body Becomes the Punchline

Apparently, my body has a twisted sense of comedic timing. On the first day of group coaching with a class of nursing students, I was determined to create an amazing experience.

I got there early, set up the space perfectly, greeted each student with care. I was ready.

But the energy felt flat. The room was stuffy. So I opened a window and said something metaphoric like, “May this semester be like this breeze—refreshing, energizing, and clear.”

And right on cue, my hay fever flared… I sneezed.

And yep—you guessed it—I peed. Right there, in front of the whole class.

Oddly enough, it became the metaphor of the semester. It broke the tension, bonded us, and reminded me that sometimes the mess is the magic.

Exhibit C: A Rom-Com Gone Wrong

And because fate apparently loves a trilogy, there was also the time I passed out after donating plasma.

Picture this: 150 people in a clinic, me collapsing, and a drop-dead-gorgeous guy swooping in to catch me hero-style.

Rom-com vibes all around… until I farted.

In his arms. Loudly.

To make matters worse, the clinic shorted me—$10 instead of $20. Apparently, my plasma wasn’t the only thing underperforming that day.

Here’s the Thing

Any one of these moments could’ve turned into shame. And maybe, for a while, they did. But over time—and with a healthy dose of humor—I’ve learned to let them be what they are: embarrassing.

Not identity-shaping. Not evidence of unworthiness. Just stories.

They’re Velcro, not tattoos.

So the next time something mortifying happens—and it will—pause before shame takes the wheel.

Ask yourself:Is this moment trying to define me… or just trying to lighten me up?

You might just laugh. You might even leak a little.

Either way, you’ll live.

I’m living proof.

—Jennie

Ready for More?

If this made you laugh, cringe, or breathe a little easier—just wait until you read the rest.

Our upcoming book, Committed Ways of Being: How to Show Up, Speak Up, and Screw Up Beautifully, dives deeper into the paradoxes, personal stories, and powerful shifts that help us live with more agency, authenticity, and alignment (and yes, with a few more public disasters included).

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