By Bruce Wilkinson
A Review By: Tirzah Lewis, PCC
Additional Coaching Thoughts By: Jennie Antolak, MA, MCC
The first thing any reader of this book should note is that the author Bruce Wilkinson is a Christian. I point it out right away because the construct of faith in God has almost everything to do with the parable/story used to bring out the lessons of the book. That is not to say that someone not of the Christian faith can’t find use and revelation from this book – it is just a note so that the context of the lessons make sense; since the book starts off with an allegory.
Construction:
If you like stories, parables or allegory (where the roles of the characters in the story are plainly outlined by their names) then you’ll like The Dream Giver. If you prefer more nuanced writing it may seem like a simplistic mechanism. I however really enjoyed the story of the main character Ordinary from the Land of Familiar. After the story is the exposition (the second half of the book) where the author breaks down the revelations of Ordinary’s journey and invites the reader to take their own journey toward their “Big Dream”.
And so, the story goes:
We journey with Ordinary as he discovers his Big Dream, tries to suppress it and decides that he must go find it. He goes through the difficulty of leaving the “Comfort Zone” meets bullies in the Borderland and thinks that he’s well on his way only to find despair in the Wasteland where he questions whether or not the Dream Giver is even there anymore. In that place, he meets a character called Faith and while they only speak once he realizes if he can keep an eye on Faith he may make it through the Wasteland. In an oasis called sanctuary he finally realizes the lessons of the journey and how much stronger he is because of having traveled through it. [It is here where the overt Christian nature of the book may confuse those who did not know about it for at the end of his time in the Sanctuary Ordinary must give up his Big Dream. He must trust the Dream Giver. He must decide if his dedication is to the giver of Dreams or to the Dream itself. When he does, he is given the understanding of how his Big Dream is only a piece of the Dream Giver’s immense plan. Because he trusts the Dream Giver his dream is restored and Ordinary resumes his journey toward his destiny.] The lessons learned from the Wasteland have strengthened Ordinary’s faith and he will need it as he enters the Land of Giants. This particular Giant has enslaved a village of Anybodies and while other travelers have come this way many have turned back unwilling to face the battle. Ordinary is still ordinary but he faces the giant anyway with the skills and tools and faith of the Dream Giver and the city is freed! Anybodyies all around cheer – but as he stays in the village Ordinary sees the toll that the Giant and its despair has taken on the people. Here the Dream Giver shows Ordinary that these people are his Dream. That the sparkling vision he held so dear in his hearts is the manifestation of what is to come when he uses his special gifts to help the people of Anybody discover their dreams.
Standout Lessons:
1. We don’t have to search for our Big Dream as much as we need to Wake Up to it!
Every day in the land of Familiar there was a routine, a structure supported by all its inhabitants that kept people just busy enough, just tired enough, just numb enough to keep from waking up to their dream. At first Ordinary thinks this is some new revelation but as he asks a trusted member of his family (in this case his Father) he realizes – the dream has always been with him! It is this way for most of us. We are often stuck in the familiar trying to plan our dream or chase a perception of a dream. Coaching provides a means by which we break from the normal just long enough and often enough to re-encounter the dream that lives deep within.
2. Our Biggest Bullies are often our closest people and there are lessons to be learned from them.
Ordinary is confronted by his family and best friend in the Borderland and it is these bullies that nearly devastate him. Oh, isn’t this true for most of us! We wonder why our closest people wouldn’t understand our new journey!!! The book gives insight through a coach named Champion. I give him the title of coach because Champion asks questions of Ordinary and through conversation challenges Ordinary to look past his defensiveness to question what is causing this perceived bullying. What I love is that Champion doesn’t stay with Ordinary throughout his journey but is key in helping him move through this situation with his own value intact. He solves nothing for Ordinary, but his help is invaluable. I resonated deeply with Champion.
3. Finally, there are deep lessons to be learned in the Wasteland – lessons that often cannot be learned until lived.
How disheartening is our time in the Wasteland. We have done such hard work already. Yet in the Wasteland we battle the inferiority complex, we try for shortcuts, or we freeze (I totally froze solid for months) and want to wish it away. But no matter how short or long our time, there are lessons to be learned in walking through the Wasteland. The frustrating thing is they are almost always learned on the other side… so we must have faith and walk forward. As a coach this experience is invaluable because this is what our clients going through meaningful change will experience. Our ability to empathize and sit in this space with them will be a comfort. I like this because with so much of coaching being ‘neutral’ one can wonder how we show that we care. Empathy and presence matter. When we say “trust the process” it is not just a turn of phrase it comes from a place of deep knowing and understanding.
The End:
The breakdown of these lessons from the story are thoroughly outlined in the second part of the book. Although not a book on coaching the use of the story allows us to internalize insights from the book as we walk in the shoes of Ordinary; a Nobody from Familiar, who has the courage to pursue his Big Dream.
Jennie Antolak’s Reflections: Resistance, Metaphor, and the Art of Coaching
I love Ordinary’s story because, for so many of us, it’s our own. When opportunity knocks, it rarely arrives alone—it brings its old friend resistance right along with it. Stepping into something bigger means stepping into the unknown, and the land of the familiar, while uninspiring, is at least predictable. Worse yet, even when we do muster the courage to move forward, we often face resistance from those closest to us. Like Ordinary, we risk being held back by the expectations of others, who, despite good intentions, build barriers that make staying put seem easier than becoming who we know we could be.
The Power of Metaphor in Coaching
While there are many ways to explore resistance, what stands out to me is how Wilkinson uses metaphor to bring Ordinary’s struggle to life. We all speak in metaphors—every 20 to 25 seconds, in fact. They aren’t just words; they reveal how we perceive our world.
As coaches, our job isn’t just to hear these metaphors but to listen deeply to what they reveal. When we catch the underlying story within a client’s metaphor, we become better equipped to help them rewrite the narrative that’s keeping them stuck.
But here’s the challenge: We can’t assume we already understand their metaphors.
When We Assume, We Miss the Real Story
Let’s use my own go-to metaphor as an example. On overwhelming days, I often say:"I’m rowing the boat with one oar."
It’s easy to assume that:
I need another oar.
I want to move forward instead of going in circles.
I’m in the water, not on land.
But what if those assumptions are wrong?
What if my real focus isn’t movement, but maintaining momentum within a holding pattern? What if the boat’s location or the single oar is part of the solution, not the problem?
Instead of jumping to solutions, a more effective coaching approach would be to ask:
What does “holding pattern” mean for you?
How is it important right now?
What does momentum look like within it?
Where is the boat—land, water, somewhere else?
How long do you expect to be in it?
These questions uncover meaning, not assumptions.
The Coach’s Role: Stay Curious, Not in Control
As coaches, our job isn’t to decode the client’s metaphor—it’s to help them expand it. If we assume we know what it means, we shut down discovery. But if we stay curious, our clients will often surprise us with their own wisdom—wisdom far more powerful than any advice we could give.
The magic of coaching isn’t in solving problems—it’s in creating space for clients to uncover solutions that truly align with them. And more often than not, the answers are already hiding within their metaphors—we just have to listen.
Seeking a Metaphor Coaching Tool?
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