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The Messy Middle: The Change No One Talks About (or Allows)

Writer's picture: Jennie AntolakJennie Antolak

choosing how the story ends

If change were effortless, we’d all be gliding through it like pros. But we’re not.

Instead, we stumble, second-guess, and get tangled in the in-between—caught between who we were and who we’re becoming. And while we claim to understand that transformation takes time, when it’s happening to someone else, we get impatient. We want progress. Now.

Why? Because discomfort makes us squirm.

Why We Rush Change (Especially in Others)

  • Instant Gratification Bias – We love quick fixes and assume change should be immediate.

  • Projection of Ease – If it looks obvious to us, it should be easy for them.

  • Discomfort with the In-Between – Uncertainty unsettles us, so we nudge people toward resolution (even if they’re not ready).

  • Cultural Myths – “If you really wanted it, you’d just do it.” (Ignoring deep-seated fears, habits, and systemic barriers.)

  • Avoiding Our Own Reflection – Watching someone struggle forces us to confront our own resistance to change.

The Real Trap: Judging the Process

The problem? We know we’re being measured. Others are silently assessing our progress (or lack thereof), deciding where we fall in their narratives of "getting it right" or "falling short." And because we don’t meet some arbitrary timeline, we start believing we’re failing.

So we stall. Or worse, we quit.

The Way Through: Give In, Not Up

This is where we need to give in—not to defeat, but to support. Not to someone dictating our change, but to someone helping us shape the process in a way that works for us.

Change isn’t a solo act, nor is it a straight line. The messy middle is where real transformation happens—but only if we’re willing to stay in it long enough to reach the other side.

Where a Narrative Coach Comes In

A narrative coach doesn’t rush you; they meet you where you are, sitting at the edge of your stories—not to rewrite them for you, but to ask:

  • What do these stories mean?

  • Why do they matter?

  • How do you want to sort through them and arrange them in a way that truly serves you?

They don’t pile new narratives onto the old ones or force an artificial breakthrough. Instead, they help you find the magic within the mess, freeing you from both external expectations and self-imposed limitations.

Because transformation isn’t about speed—it’s about alignment. And your story unfolds in its own time.

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